Just to forget how good it tastes, just to forget, the problems I’m currently thinking about constantly. I’m sat here with the world continuing all around me, but I feel silent, still and sad. Part of me believes my anxiety has returned
to haunt me. Every conversation, every issue or situation, I’m somehow at fault, to blame for whats going on. I’m not that important but I keep feeling self involved with anything negative occuring nearby, and it’s slowly destroying me. Lately I don’t feel
like or even loved and it’s this exclusion from that circle of acceptance that’s driving me crazy.
I cant stop drinking,
Throughout last month there wasn’t a day I didn’t poision my body with the glorious consumable that is beer. Sometimes I’ve just sat there alone, drinking for the sake of it, there arent any events or people round as company, I’ll just
rest there, pondering on what’s happening outside.
I need to stop drinking,
The inner sadness, self pity and obsessive alchol abuse is already starting to take it’s toll, yet again weight gain being the most visable change, along with the feeling of a downward sprial swirling within my head. I don’t wish to open
up with those I work with, in fact it’s still certain members who are causing this choas I face, but let’s remember, they’re the victims eh.
I’ve gone a day without drinking,
Yesterday was very ironic. I was stuck at home due to the adverse weather effects, and due to this, I had no option to go buy beer, meaning I spent yet another day trapped inside, sober. But the sadness still intoxicates me.
Maybe mother nature is taking care of more then just the weather..